9 Ways to Develop Your Character
Character Develop is the Most Important Development.
Character development is the most important development.
When I was a young leader, a mentor said that he believed only 2% of leaders make it to their finish line, having done what they were supposed to do with their lives and still have their character intact.
I don’t know if there is data to back that statistic up, but regardless, I do know it’s true that far too many people don’t reach their finish line, character intact.
As a young leader, that gave me a vision, I wanted to do everything within my control to become a leader with character and integrity, and to reach my finish line.
As a result, I’m always trying to grow in the area of character integrity. Today, I thought I’d share the best ways I’ve found to develop your character. I hope that you will become a leader of character and integrity and reach your finish line.
Let’s dive in. Here are nine ways to grow your character:
1.) Get a Vision for your Finish Line
I mentioned this above, but I believe that to start becoming a person of character and integrity, you need to get a vision for that.
For me, here is the vision that drives me:
I want to make it to my finish line doing everything I am called to do
I want to make it to my finish line with my marriage thriving
I want those closest to me to love and respect me the most
I want to make it to my finish line with my family thriving
I strive to always be in a position where I can influence and make a difference in the lives of others, which requires character and integrity.
I’m an example to others, whether I want to be or not. I want to be a good one!
I always want people to trust me. I believe trust is earned.
This vision has kept me on track for 22 years. I’m hoping it will keep me on track for the rest of my journey.
2.) Follow God
I believe following God is the best way to grow your character. Before following God, I had issues with chewing tobacco, drugs, alcohol, and pornography. I had no problem lying or stealing. I had very little sense of right and wrong.
When I surrendered my life to God, He started helping me deal with all of the issues I was struggling with. Over time, I found freedom from all of the issues holding me in bondage.
When I got free from those issues, I thought I was perfect (HA!). What I found was that I still had all kinds of character issues to work on (still do!).
God began working on character issues, such as my attitudes, the way I thought, and the way I spoke, among others.
The beautiful thing about God is He knows every character issue you’re going to have to work on for the rest of your life (there are a lot of them), but He’ll only have you deal with a few issues at a time, and He’ll empower you to deal with them.
If you want to be a leader with integrity, following God is a must.
3.) Pray this Prayer
A prayer I’ve prayed for years now is, “God, develop me as quickly and as solidly as possible.”
I pray this because I want to grow into the leader I can be as quickly as possible, but not so quickly that I outgrow my character.
I always warn people that this is the most dangerous prayer you can pray, because God will answer it, and you may not always like what you’ll have to go through to grow!
If you pray it… Get ready!
4.) Get Around People of High Character
As I began following God as a young man, I started associating with people like my father-in-law, my youth pastor, and my pastor.
They modeled for me what a Godly leader, filled with character and integrity, looks like.
They modeled for me what it looked like to be a Godly man, husband, and father.
I got to see a picture of the kind of leader I could become if I developed my character and integrity.
Each of them talked to me about what character and integrity look like. If they saw me doing things that didn’t line up with the standards they set for themselves, they’d call me out on it and help me grow through the issues I had.
Most people in life only have one model of what their life could and should look like (their family). Sometimes that’s a good thing, but often it isn’t.
Find people that you look up to and admire, and find ways to get around them to learn from them. In character, more is caught than taught. You need to spend time with them!
5.) Listen to the Small Checks & Convictions in Your Heart
This is huge. As you’re growing, you need to learn to listen to the small checks and convictions that you get in your heart.
This goes back to my pursuit of following God. Throughout my journey, God has addressed character issues in me through giving me small “checks” and convictions in my heart.
Examples would be:
Don’t go to that place.
You don’t need to spend time with that group of people.
You didn’t need to say that, go apologize.
Pick up that piece of trash on the ground.
Go pray for that person.
Pay for that person’s dinner.
You need to stop doing this specific behavior.
I’ve found that when you listen to these small checks and convictions, you continue to get more and more of them.
However, if you ignore them and keep going again, what’s coming up in your heart, eventually you’ll become callous to them and they’ll come less and less.
My advice is to instantly obey the small promptings you get as soon as possible.
Some of them may seem so small and insignificant that you may think, “What’s the point?”
When it comes to character, nothing is too small and nothing is insignificant. The small things matter way more than you think.
6.) Admit It, Quit It, Forget It
Just because you are committed to being a person of character and integrity doesn’t mean that you’ll be perfect.
We will all fall short and miss the mark many times in our lives.
The important part is what you do when you mess up.
My advice is simple. When you mess up: Admit it. Quit it. Forget it.
Oftentimes, when we mess up, we try to do the opposite.
We try to forget it happened, which we can’t. Then we just to quit it in our strength, and we can’t. Then we finally admit either because we got caught or the guilt and shame have overwhelmed us.
When you mess up: Admit it. Tell somebody. As a mentor once told me, “You don’t have to tell everyone, but you do have to tell someone.”
You’ll be surprised how much freedom you can’t find by simply confessing when you mess up to others.
Quit it. After you acknowledge the issue in the community, you can begin to work on it. Work with God and others on it. You’ll be surprised what you can overcome!
Forget it. This doesn’t mean you forget the lessons you needed to learn through finding freedom, but it does mean that you let go of all the guilt and shame you had for whatever you did.
7.) Get Some Real Friends
You need a community in which you are fully known, fully loved, and fully challenged.
Do you have a place where you’ll be fully known? Where can you share anything you're struggling with and know that you’ll also be fully loved? That you won’t be judged or criticized, but loved fully in your mess?
Not only do you need to be fully known and loved, but you also need to be fully challenged.
Sometimes in your journey, you don’t need a hug or a high five, but a slap in the face.
My favorite quote on friendship is, “Friends love you the way you are, but real friends love you enough not to let you stay where you are.”
Get some friends who won’t let you stay where you are. Get some friends who will call you out on your stuff! They’ll make you better!
8.) Confess Temptations
I heard Rick Warren say, “We’d have a lot less need to confess sin if we’d learn to confess our temptations.”
Wow. Again, if you’re being tempted by something that can take you down, you don’t have to tell everyone, but you do need to tell someone.
Learn to confess your temptations. It’s WAY EASIER than having to confess the temptations that you said yes to, and now they’re ruining your life.
9) Realize You are an Example, Whether You Want to be or Not
People are watching you all the time.
You are an example, whether you want to be or not.
The question is, are you a good example or a bad one?
When I discovered this, I embraced it fully. I want to be a good example to:
My wife
My kids
My peers and coworkers
My friends
My neighbors
My community, city, region, nation, and world.
You are an example. Be a good one.
Conclusion
I hope this article gave you a vision for being a man or woman of character and integrity. Nothing is more important.
My prayer for you is that you will reach your finish line with your character and integrity intact, being a shining example of what a life well-lived can look like.
I’d love to hear from you about other ways you’ve found to develop your character! Comment below!
Remember: Don’t quit. Keep leading. The world desperately needs YOUR leadership.
